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Stef and the City

The 80% Rule

Find love in simple ways

Find love in simple ways

Ladies, I know many people who have spent a lifetime of wanting to hit that perfect weight. And yet we’re still not at it! However, when you are dating do the “He would be perfect if only he…. was two inches taller, 15 pounds lighter, 2 years younger, lived 10 miles closer, etc.”

I see too often that people expect that dating means instantly they are going to know IMMEDIATELY if they want to go out again. However, agreeing to a second date with someone that doesn’t make your heart pound, doesn’t guarantee that a second date is going to equal a relationship.  However, not going out with people at all, usually does guarantee that you are not meeting people, period.

Some relationships grow over time, that’s been my experience as some of relationships were with men that I remained unsure of until I had gone on more than three dates. The attraction grew. However, even in cases that the relationship didn’t, I look back and kick my 20 something self for not going on more second dates with men that hit my 80%. I definitely interviewed the men some of the time- wondering if they had similar enough backgrounds, if they liked working out at a gym, if they shopped for clothes at the “cool” stores. Silly things when I look back at them.

If there was one thing I learned in my career, it’s that networking and meeting people in crucial. I have met clients who don’t come to me for six months or even two years. I have met people at events that I never thought twice would become important parts in my personal life or career.

I see too many women (and men) who refuse to give people chances, and chances don’t mean that you can’t date other people, it doesn’t mean that you have to be physical immediately, it doesn’t mean that you can’t be unsure. In fact if you ask many couples if they were ABSOLUTELY sure before they married their significant other, many will tell you NO.

There’s a different obviously between being on a date with someone who doesn’t treat you well or disrespects you. Those people are people that you shouldn’t be giving a second chance to. Yet, if I hear “He lives in the suburbs and I’m not a suburban person.” Those are the times I wonder if you thinking about what a relationship takes in the long term. After all, your perfect guy could have to move to the suburbs to be closer to his job. (Unless of course you think an unemployed guy is more desirable!)

Keep this in mind when you go out there and judge someone else because they didn’t dress in something you think is “cool” or their hair cut is dated or they could lose a few pounds. If someone hits your 80% rate, it’s enough to warrant a second chance. Will that always equal a relationship or passion, not necessarily, but part of life is meeting people who don’t always go the immediate gratification route.

If you give people chances instead of always saying “no”, you may actually end up falling in love, or you may meet someone through this person that may introduce you to your next relationship!


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