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Stef and the City

Monthly Archives: March 2013

How to Find New Things to do This Spring

Young couple posing on a fieldI was just on WGN  this past week talking about things to do to meet people this spring. Especially right now while the weather facilitates between snow and rain, it’s depressing and hard to think of new things when the signs of spring hide away.

As I mentioned on the show, it’s easy today to find things to do if you plan ahead (Not Friday at 3pm!) by signing up for email aggregators such as Yipit and Now You Know Events. Yipit, is like Groupon or Living Social but allows you to create a profile of all sorts of deal-a-day sites that can not only give you things to shop for, but can have you find classes for exercise, instruction or find activities that you didn’t know existed, at a discounted price! I’ve found spa places like King’s Spa, a Korean spa, the Galo’s Caves, a salt cave and last year I did go on a Helicopter Ride with Sun Aeros Helicopters, all things that I found through Yipit.

On Now You Know Events, I find out about various events in Chicago, all by signing up for a daily or weekly email newsletter.

Now, you have events to go to, where to find new people to go with you? If you’re single and needing to find more wingmen or wingwomen, try Meetup.com. Another free option to finding groups that you can do things with other people with the same interests. Or, if you can’t find a group, you can create one yourself!

This spring, stop making excuses and start finding things to do by joining groups that exist in an email list! And, of course you can still come to us and we’ll do this for you, after all, as Chicago’s IntroductionistaTM, I can direct you towards various activities that may lead you toward romance and new friendship through our personalized social calendars!

The 80% Rule

Find love in simple ways

Find love in simple ways

Ladies, I know many people who have spent a lifetime of wanting to hit that perfect weight. And yet we’re still not at it! However, when you are dating do the “He would be perfect if only he…. was two inches taller, 15 pounds lighter, 2 years younger, lived 10 miles closer, etc.”

I see too often that people expect that dating means instantly they are going to know IMMEDIATELY if they want to go out again. However, agreeing to a second date with someone that doesn’t make your heart pound, doesn’t guarantee that a second date is going to equal a relationship.  However, not going out with people at all, usually does guarantee that you are not meeting people, period.

Some relationships grow over time, that’s been my experience as some of relationships were with men that I remained unsure of until I had gone on more than three dates. The attraction grew. However, even in cases that the relationship didn’t, I look back and kick my 20 something self for not going on more second dates with men that hit my 80%. I definitely interviewed the men some of the time- wondering if they had similar enough backgrounds, if they liked working out at a gym, if they shopped for clothes at the “cool” stores. Silly things when I look back at them.

If there was one thing I learned in my career, it’s that networking and meeting people in crucial. I have met clients who don’t come to me for six months or even two years. I have met people at events that I never thought twice would become important parts in my personal life or career.

I see too many women (and men) who refuse to give people chances, and chances don’t mean that you can’t date other people, it doesn’t mean that you have to be physical immediately, it doesn’t mean that you can’t be unsure. In fact if you ask many couples if they were ABSOLUTELY sure before they married their significant other, many will tell you NO.

There’s a different obviously between being on a date with someone who doesn’t treat you well or disrespects you. Those people are people that you shouldn’t be giving a second chance to. Yet, if I hear “He lives in the suburbs and I’m not a suburban person.” Those are the times I wonder if you thinking about what a relationship takes in the long term. After all, your perfect guy could have to move to the suburbs to be closer to his job. (Unless of course you think an unemployed guy is more desirable!)

Keep this in mind when you go out there and judge someone else because they didn’t dress in something you think is “cool” or their hair cut is dated or they could lose a few pounds. If someone hits your 80% rate, it’s enough to warrant a second chance. Will that always equal a relationship or passion, not necessarily, but part of life is meeting people who don’t always go the immediate gratification route.

If you give people chances instead of always saying “no”, you may actually end up falling in love, or you may meet someone through this person that may introduce you to your next relationship!

-Stef